Happy Holidays

When I wish you "Happy Holidays" I'm actually wishing you, crystal snowfalls, bright blue skies and crisp cool air. I am wishing you pumpkin pie or apple pie, and cinnamon & spice cookies. I'm wishing you the warmth of a fire, the glow of a candle and the smell of pine. I'm wishing you turkey, ham and goose. I'm wishing you hot chocolate and apple cider. I'm wishing you hope for your future and peace in your present. I'm wishing you friendship, camaraderie and love. I am wishing you Joy.

Just a Dream?

So, I'm sitting in my chair, every man seems to have a "chair" even if it's the floor or couch. That spot where he chooses to sit 99% of the time. As I say there I sat preparing to watch the Cleveland Browns first preseason game. Now I know many people are excited to watch said game but I was just killing time. Just trying to stay awake as long as possible into the wee hours because recently I started working Midnight to 8:00 a.m. and attempting not to get too far away from those hours during the weekend.

Back to the game. As exciting as the first preseason game is I found myself becoming drowsy. Jim Donovan is one of the announcers. I don't know Jim personally but if I had to make a guess I would say he is one of those people who gets too excited over things that just aren't that exciting, probably spits when he talks, and can't get the words out fast enough before another idea has popped into his head. Because of this he often is wrong on the play by play. Now remember I said I was getting drowsy so where reality & dream meet I can't really draw that line, all I know is Jim says "first down" and I'm thinking can't be a first down because the guy doesn't have the ball, now I make a comment about the guy being an idiot and my Dad gets up & moves closer to the T.V. trying to see if it's a fumble. Here I drop off into a deep sleep and am no longer aware of the game.

When I awake I replay all I've just experienced in my head and I think to myself, thanks for the visit Dad, tomorrow would have been your 89th. birthday. Dad passed away 24 years ago, and while I do miss him & think of him from time to time, it's not often I watch a Browns game with him.  

Where is the Punch Line?

I'm waiting for the high sign
I'm waiting for the punchline
I'm waiting for someone to tell me Bing & Bob aren't dead
I'm waiting to hear your not 50, you'll always be 30.

How could all this happen? I'm sure everyone else is in on the joke.
I'm not over weight, my clothes have been replaced with a smaller size.
I'm not going grey, must be the shampoo.
I'm not getting tired, just not enough caffeine, since when do I need caffeine?

Come on where are my parents hiding? They can't really be gone.
What do you mean I've been working for over 30 years?
Retirement? that's for old people, why would I plan for that?
As soon as I take this nap I'm gonna get busy, not much time left, I guess.

It is Spring, Palm Sunday

Sundays when I was young were a day unlike the rest of the week. Our day would begin with my dad playing gospel and hymns records, Jim Neighbors, Tennessee Ernie Ford, Eddie Arnold and Jim Reeves to name a few. All played loudly & accompanied by my dad singing along. Dad had a nice voice, I don't think he could of been a successful recording artist but it was nice. The smell of eggs frying or pancakes on the griddle would greet our noses. And we were up & ready for breakfast. There was a bustle to the household as we all took turns in the bathroom getting ready for church. If you were ready early you could read the "funnys" as we called them, comics to everybody else. Or look through the adds at things you were never going to buy. And then it was off to Church. In my memories it's perpetually Spring, I am somewhere between 10 and 14 years old and hoping to get to talk with one of the girls I went to grade school with. Dad was a Council member so he was an usher and he stayed & counted the offering. This meant we would be one of the last families to leave church. It was very difficult for boys in spring to stay neat and tidy while we waited to go home. Home from church kick off the dress shoes & clothes and into relaxation mode. Dinner would be ready soon. A roast or perhaps fried chicken, mashed  potatoes and gravy. You just couldn't beat Moms cooking. 

Needless to say I would love to do this all again. As I write this the memories are awesome. I am happy but so full of heartache, I miss these people, this time and the Love I didn't even see was there in everything that was done. It's as if we lived in a bubble or cloud of love, I can still remember it, warm, peaceful and calm.
Thanks Mom & Dad.

The Internet & Alcohol.

The internet is full of people pouring out there hopes & fears. We use this medium to say what we can't say. There are many reasons we find it difficult to open up to each other. If life was like a movie I could pour out my heart felt feelings to everyone about everything, there would be a pause and the movie would fade to black. But life is not a movie. Unlike the movie, there is no fade to black. Instead there is tomorrow and tomorrow can be awkward when the truth of how you feel is out there. You just can't undo it. And that is why we use the internet. I can ignore what you think you read on the internet. There is wiggle room. The internet is like alcohol, it can give you a false sense of courage. I can say what I want to say and blame it on the alcohol/internet. Or your interpretation of what I said. 

To be clear I don't drink and then write, I don't have to, I have the internet. To be even more clear I haven't had a drink in almost 20 years. My reasons are my own. I don't want to get preachy. I started out to write about how sad I feel, missing my parents, the Sundays we use to have and our little world. Somehow I got sidetracked.